The House of My Mother by Shari Franke Review ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4 Stars) — A Powerful Story That Feels Like It's Missing Some of the Story
🚨 Trigger Warnings
Child abuse
Physical abuse
Emotional abuse
Psychological abuse
Religious trauma
Sexual assault
Grooming
Depression
Suicidal ideation
Family estrangement
Cult-like manipulation
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This review contains major spoilers, including discussion of the ending.
📖 What Is The House of My Mother About?
The House of My Mother: A Daughter's Quest for Freedom is Shari Franke's memoir about growing up inside the infamous 8 Passengers family vlog empire, led by her mother, Ruby Franke.
If you've somehow missed this story, Ruby Franke built a massive YouTube following by presenting her family as wholesome, disciplined, and picture-perfect. Behind the scenes, however, things were very different. The situation eventually escalated into one of the most shocking child abuse cases in influencer history, ending with Ruby Franke and her business partner, Jodi Hildebrandt, being arrested and convicted for child abuse.
Shari's memoir attempts to tell that story from the inside.
🤔 My Thoughts Before We Begin
I want to start by saying that I do not take lightly the trauma and abuse that Shari and her siblings endured.
What happened to those children is heartbreaking.
They were failed by their mother, manipulated by Jodi Hildebrandt, and in many ways abandoned by a father who should have stepped in much sooner. No child deserves what they experienced, and I sincerely hope Shari and her siblings find healing, stability, and peace.
That said...
I think this memoir was written too soon.
And I say that with genuine compassion.
📝 The Biggest Problem: It Feels Like a First Draft of a Future Memoir
I have a weirdly specific reading niche: memoirs about difficult childhoods.
Maybe that's because I had a difficult childhood myself. Maybe it's because I'm fascinated by how people make sense of trauma.
I've read some incredible memoirs.
I've also read some not-so-great ones.
Usually the weaker ones fall into one of two categories:
The author tells us their childhood was horrific, but the storytelling never quite communicates it.
The author is still so close to the trauma that they haven't fully processed what happened yet.
I think The House of My Mother falls into the second category.
The strange thing is that I absolutely believe Shari experienced severe abuse.
That's never in question.
But throughout most of the memoir, I felt like huge chunks of the story were missing. Events would be mentioned briefly and then brushed aside. Important emotional moments felt underdeveloped. I kept waiting for deeper reflection that never really arrived.
The result is a book that often feels more like a recounting than a memoir.
🎧 The Audiobook Didn't Help
I listened to the audiobook version, and unfortunately the narration made some of these issues more noticeable.
The delivery often felt scripted and emotionally distant.
There were moments that should have landed with tremendous emotional weight, but instead felt oddly flat.
And then there were occasional phrases like "mic drop" that made me physically recoil into another dimension.
I don't know who convinced memoirists that saying "mic drop" automatically creates impact, but I would like to respectfully request that trend be launched directly into the sun. ☀️🚀
💔 The Sexual Assault Sections Were the Strongest Writing in the Book
Ironically, some of the most painful material was also the most effective.
Shari reveals that while attending college she became involved with an older married man who groomed and sexually assaulted her.
Those chapters felt different.
For the first time, I felt like I was seeing genuine vulnerability and emotional clarity.
The writing became more specific.
The emotions became more tangible.
I understood exactly what she was feeling and why.
Obviously, I wish none of that had happened to her. But from a purely literary perspective, those sections were by far the strongest in the memoir because they felt fully realized in a way much of the rest of the book did not.
⛪ Religion, ConneXions, and the Missing Self-Reflection
One thing I struggled with was how little the memoir examines the larger systems surrounding the abuse.
A major theme of the book is Ruby Franke's descent into Jodi Hildebrandt's ConneXions ideology.
Jodi taught an extreme worldview centered around concepts like "Truth" versus "distortion," absolute obedience, and relentless self-blame.
The book discusses these ideas extensively.
However, I often felt that Shari hadn't fully unpacked her own relationship with those beliefs.
In many places, she still seems deeply influenced by the same religious and ideological structures that shaped her childhood.
That isn't a criticism of her.
Healing takes time.
But it does make the memoir feel unresolved.
I frequently found myself wanting more exploration of questions like:
How did LDS culture contribute to the environment that allowed this to happen?
Why were so many adults willing to defer to authority figures?
How did perfectionism become normalized?
What beliefs does she still hold?
Which ones has she rejected?
The book raises these questions but rarely digs into them.
📚 Full Plot Summary and Ending Explained
Shari begins by describing her childhood in the Franke household.
Ruby Franke dreamed of becoming a mother and quickly built a large family with her husband Kevin. As the oldest child, Shari spent much of her childhood desperately seeking affection and approval from her emotionally distant mother.
Everything changed when Ruby launched the family YouTube channel, 8 Passengers, in 2015.
The channel exploded in popularity.
Millions of viewers watched the Franke children grow up while their private lives became content. Behind the camera, Ruby became increasingly controlling and punitive, while maintaining the image of a perfect family online.
As the children got older, Ruby's punishments became harsher.
Things escalated dramatically when the family became involved with therapist and self-help guru Jodi Hildebrandt.
Jodi's teachings centered around rigid ideas of personal responsibility and "living in Truth." Ruby became obsessed.
Soon Jodi was counseling the family.
Then she was effectively controlling the family.
Then she moved into the family home.
Shari initially bought into the teachings herself before eventually realizing how manipulative they were.
Meanwhile, Ruby's punishments became increasingly extreme.
Public backlash exploded after viewers learned that Chad had been forced to sleep on a beanbag for months as punishment. Ruby viewed herself as a misunderstood parent. The internet viewed her as abusive.
As Shari left for college, she became increasingly alarmed by what was happening at home.
At the same time, she became involved with an older married man who groomed and sexually exploited her.
Eventually, Kevin left the home under Jodi's direction.
Ruby isolated the younger children.
They were removed from school.
Neighbors became concerned.
Shari repeatedly contacted authorities, terrified for her siblings.
Eventually, her worst fears proved justified.
In August 2023, one of her younger brothers escaped from Jodi Hildebrandt's house and sought help from a neighbor. Authorities discovered that two of the youngest children had been subjected to horrific abuse, including starvation, physical restraints, and severe mistreatment.
Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrandt were arrested.
The younger children were removed from the home.
Both women eventually pleaded guilty to aggravated child abuse and received prison sentences.
The memoir ends with Shari attempting to move forward.
Kevin returns and begins rebuilding relationships with the children.
The family starts therapy.
Shari reflects on cycles of abuse and expresses her determination not to repeat them in her own future family.
🎬 Honestly, the Hulu Documentary Taught Me More
One thing that surprised me is that I went into this book knowing almost nothing.
I never watched 8 Passengers.
I never followed Ruby Franke.
I only became aware of the case when news coverage of the arrests exploded.
Because of that, I expected this memoir to provide a deeper understanding of what happened behind closed doors.
Instead, I felt like I learned more from the Hulu documentary than I did from the book.
The memoir provides Shari's perspective, which is valuable.
But in terms of understanding the full scope of the family dynamics and abuse, the documentary often feels more comprehensive.
⭐ Final Thoughts
Despite all my criticisms, I don't regret reading this book for a second.
In fact, I found it compelling from beginning to end.
Shari is clearly intelligent, resilient, and courageous.
I just don't think she's finished processing this story yet.
This feels less like the definitive memoir of the Franke family and more like the first chapter of a much larger story.
Ten years from now, after more healing and reflection, I suspect she could write an absolutely extraordinary memoir.
For now, The House of My Mother is an important and often fascinating read that left me wanting far more depth than it ultimately delivers.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4 Stars
📚 Books I'd Recommend If This Topic Interests You
I'm Glad My Mom Died — Jennette McCurdy
A popular memoir about an abusive and controlling mother-child relationship.
Educated — Tara Westover
One of the best memoirs ever written about growing up in an isolated and dysfunctional family environment.
The Glass Castle — Jeannette Walls
A modern memoir classic about surviving a chaotic and neglectful childhood.
What My Bones Know — Stephanie Foo
An incredible exploration of trauma, PTSD, and healing.
Crying in H Mart — Michelle Zauner
A powerful memoir about grief, family, identity, and complicated parent-child relationships.
Uncultured — Daniella Mestyanek Young
A fascinating memoir about growing up in a controlling religious community and rebuilding a life afterward.
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