Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

 

One of the most emotional books I've ever read. Parts of this book made me so sad that I had to stop and take a break. As an Asian American, I found myself connecting with the author SO MUCH, especially since my father also passed away from cancer, and his family also came to US to help us. Reading this book brought back so many memories for me. 

Crying in H Mart is a story about the author, Michelle Zauner. Her mother is Korean and her father is American. She grew up enjoying Korean cooking from her mother and they spent extended summers in Korea visiting friends and family there. H Mart is the name of a popular US-based, Korean grocery store chain - one that I'm quite familiar with. The book opens with Zauner standing in the middle of an H Mart, feeling lost now that her mother has passed. It's a heartbreaking opening.

Next, we go back in time and learn about Zauner's childhood, although not much is said there. She describes the feeling of being an outcast at school, because other kids can't figure out what she "is". When she told her mother, her mother told her she's American. She asked for a guitar at age 15. Her mother bought her one but really didn't think she was going to get anywhere far with it. Later when Zauner started performing shows at small venues with limited success, she thought her mom Chongmi would be happy for her, but like typical Asian mothers, she told her she was hoping Michelle was done with music. 

When Michelle visits South Korea in the summer months, she's surprised that South Koreans find her very attractive and many women would surgically make their eyes look like hers. Her mom is impressed with her boyfriend at the time, Peter, who knows much about South Korean culture. After two rounds of chemotherapy that showed no improvement on her cancer, Chongmi refuses to do any more. The family decides on a extended trip to South Korea to meet up with some friends and family and see her home country. Shortly after arrival though, Chongmi becomes very sick and is bedridden, making them having to cancel the rest of the itinerary. Michelle asks Peter to marry her in hopes that Chongmi can see her walking down the aisle. 

The wedding plans briefly cheers her mother up, but still, some family members think Michelle is crazy to attempt this - what if her mother dies right before the wedding. Fortunately, her mother makes it to the wedding, but is immediately very sick after. 

During this time, her mother's friend, Kye, has been helping out taking care of Chongmi. However, there's some friction between everyone. Kye likes to speak to Chongmi in Korean, a language Michelle and her father can't understand much. As Chongmi lays dying, she started mostly speaking Korean as well, converting to her native tongue. Kye refuses to translate. Chongmi succumbs to her illness.

Michelle and her father decide to take a trip to Vietnam to distract themselves, but it doesn't go smoothly, as both of them are sad and Michelle feels that her father hasn't been a great husband or father. They part ways. Michelle later learns that her father has moved to Phuket to be with another woman, in less than a year after her mother's passing.

Michelle starts working on her music while settling the estate, recording the popular album, Psychopomp with her band Japanese Breakfast. She also starts learning how to cook traditional Korean dishes through the popular YouTube channel, Maangchi. I loved the mentionings of many popular Korean dishes, and finding myself looking them up on Maangchi's channel and watching her videos and envisioning making them one day. They all sound absolutely delicious. Through her cooking, Michelle feels that she's more connected to her mother, and recounts all the things her mother did for her growing up, even though they weren't always close. 

Michelle starts touring through the release of her new album. Her success means she gets to tour all over the world, including her mother's hometown Seoul in Korea. Her family over there is surprised at her level of success. With Seoul being the final stop of the tour, Michelle celebrates with her Korean family.