Call It What You Want by Alissa DeRogatis
Call It What You Want — ⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ (4/5 Stars)
A Situationship Horror Story Disguised as Romance
⚠️ TRIGGER WARNINGS
Emotional manipulation & emotional abuse
Commitment avoidance
Cheating
Alcohol & substance use
Sexual content
Childhood trauma
Self-worth issues
Situationship-induced rage 😌
🚨 SPOILER WARNING
This review contains FULL SPOILERS, including the ending.
If you’re currently in a situationship and still “hoping it’ll change”… maybe stop reading and protect your peace 🫠
📖 Overview
Call It What You Want (2024) is a New Adult contemporary romance and the debut novel by Alissa DeRogatis. The story follows college student Sloane Hart through a multi-year, emotionally draining “almost relationship” with Ethan Brady, a man who gives just enough affection to keep her hooked — and absolutely nothing resembling commitment.
The book explores situationship culture, miscommunication, fear of commitment, childhood trauma, and the very real fallacy that if you just love someone hard enough, they’ll finally choose you.
(Reader, they will not.)
Originally self-published in 2023, the novel blew up on BookTok before being acquired by Sourcebooks Landmark in 2024. Fun fact: Goodreads even lists this under self-help, which… honestly checks out.
💔 My Initial Thoughts
When I started this book, I was immediately hooked. The dynamic between Sloane and Ethan is painfully relatable. Like… surely every woman has dated this guy, right?
You know the one:
He feels like your soulmate
He “isn’t ready for a relationship”
He doesn’t communicate
You keep giving him chances
You constantly wonder if he actually likes you or just… access to your body
Not just me?? Cool.
Also — random thought — I genuinely cannot picture a straight man picking this book up voluntarily. This is peak chick lit. But hey, maybe I’m wrong. (Men, feel free to defend yourselves in the comments 😂)
🧠 The Miscommunication Trope (Handled… Better Than Expected?)
I am famously not a fan of the miscommunication trope, but here’s the thing — in this book, it didn’t bother me as much.
Yes, Ethan is emotionally closed off because:
His parents were arrested for a fatal DUI
His father went to prison
His mother abandoned him and started a new family
His entire concept of love is deeply broken
BUT… does it actually matter why he’s afraid of commitment?
In my opinion? No.
What matters is that:
He clearly doesn’t want a relationship
He consistently shows that
Sloane keeps hoping he’ll magically change
The reason becomes irrelevant when the behavior never does.
🔁 Repetition, Frustration, and the Point of the Book
Let’s be honest — this book gets repetitive.
Sloane keeps going back to Ethan. Over. And over. And over again.
As readers, we’re screaming:
“PLEASE STAND UP.”
And yet… that’s kind of the point.
This isn’t meant to be a swoony romance. It’s more like:
A cautionary tale
A mirror
A gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) slap in the face
It honestly reads like relationship self-help wrapped in a novel, which explains that Goodreads category a little too well.
📚 FULL PLOT SUMMARY (WITH ALL THE SPOILERS)
The novel opens in December 2018, with Sloane freshly broken up with Ethan in New York. In shock, she drops a wineglass, severely cutting her hand — a literal manifestation of the emotional damage he’s caused.
We then flash back to August 2016, her senior year of college, when she meets Ethan on a campus shuttle. They live in the same apartment complex, their friend groups merge, and chemistry sparks immediately.
They fall into a familiar pattern:
Deep emotional connection
Sex
No labels
No commitment
Ethan insists, repeatedly, that he can’t be her boyfriend — yet behaves like one just enough to keep her attached.
They break up.
They get back together.
They repeat this cycle multiple times.
After graduation, Sloane moves to New York for a job at The Gist. Ethan visits, refuses to let her post a photo of them together, then breaks up with her via text shortly after.
Later, Sloane learns the truth about Ethan’s childhood trauma and channels her heartbreak into writing. Her viral article, “An Open Letter to the Guy Who Didn’t Want to Date Me,” launches her career.
She begins dating Reese, who is kind, stable, and emotionally available. And yet — when Ethan suddenly moves into her apartment building — everything unravels.
Sloane cheats on Reese twice with Ethan, ultimately destroying the healthy relationship she had worked so hard to build. Reese ends things, admitting he can’t compete with the ghost of her past.
Sloane immediately falls back into her toxic dynamic with Ethan. He continues to shut down emotionally, ghosts her, and finally ends things for good after Thanksgiving.
Nine months later, Sloane has:
Her own apartment
A cat
A successful blog
Emotional clarity
At a wedding, she sees Ethan again. They exchange a quiet, knowing look — acknowledging what they were, and what they’ll never be.
They don’t end up together.
Thank. God.
🎯 Final Thoughts
This book is frustrating, relatable, and deeply validating if you’ve ever loved someone who refused to meet you halfway.
I was genuinely relieved they didn’t end up together — because growth sometimes looks like walking away, not winning the guy.
⭐ 4 out of 5 stars
Painful, repetitive, honest — and weirdly healing.
📚 If You Liked This, Try These
Normal People by Sally Rooney
Talking at Night by Claire Daverley
Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors
Before We Were Strangers by Renée Carlino
Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton
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