Too Old for This by Samantha Downing
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ A Killer Grandma for the Win — My 5-Star Review of TOO OLD FOR THIS 🔪👵🔥
⚠️ Trigger Warnings
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Murder (multiple!)
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Dismemberment
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Elder abuse (referenced)
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Blackmail
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Home invasion
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Kidnapping
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Graphic violence
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Fire/explosions
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Death of multiple characters
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Police corruption
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Stalking
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Gaslighting
🚨 SPOILER WARNING 🚨
This review contains full spoilers, including the ending and every murder Lottie commits with alarming enthusiasm. Proceed accordingly.
☕ Overview
Samantha Downing’s TOO OLD FOR THIS is the exact brand of darkly comedic chaos I expect from her — but this time, the twist is that your main character is a 75-year-old grandmother with a body count that rivals a slasher villain.
Lottie Jones is charming, funny, absolutely unhinged, and weirdly lovable. She just wants to sip tea, hang out with her son, and not be the center of a docuseries — which is why the entire novel becomes a “grandma vs. everyone” situation when people simply do not leave her alone.
This book is brisk, outrageous, twisty, and so much fun. It is peak entertainment.
🔍 Plot Summary (FULL SPOILERS)
(aka: Lottie Jones Is Too Old For This, But She Still Gets It Done)
🧨 The Producer Who Picked the Wrong House
Plum Dixon, a young producer, shows up late at night wanting Lottie to participate in a documentary about her being “wrongfully accused” of murders in the 1980s.
Lottie does not want to be on TV. Lottie also does not want Plum to breathe in her direction anymore.
So she kills her with an umbrella. 🫣
Just whacks her. No hesitation.
Grandma’s still got it.
🧽 Lottie’s Retirement Ends (And the Clean-Up Begins)
The woman is SCARY good at this:
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Cleans blood from grout
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Hauls Plum’s body to the garage freezer
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Chainsaws the body (as if trimming hedges)
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Wraps pieces in butcher paper labeled as fish/meat
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Cremates everything in her fireplace for hours
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Grinds bone fragments
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Gives some ashes to her friend for her lawn (!!!)
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Destroys Plum’s electronics at the airport
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Tells Plum’s boyfriend and the police that Plum simply left
A true professional.
🚓 Detective Harlow’s Big Mistake
Detective Kelsie Harlow recognizes Lottie as Lorena Mae Lansdale — the real killer from decades ago — and decides to blackmail her instead of arrest her.
Worst idea of her life.
Lottie pays a partial amount, then shows up at Kelsie’s home and kills her with a claw hammer, staging it as a bathroom fall.
But Lottie accidentally brings her tracked smartphone, and her son Archie sees she went to Kelsie’s house, causing the first real “oh crap” moment.
😬 Norma Dixon: A Mother on a Mission
Norma, Plum’s mother, spirals into deep paranoia and shows up hunting for answers.
She eventually:
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Drugs Lottie
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Ties her to a chair
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Accuses her of killing both Plum and Kelsie
Lottie escapes using nail clippers (queen behavior) and kills Norma with her cane’s brass handle.
She later hides Norma’s frozen finger in the freezer — which Morgan, her future daughter-in-law, finds. Lottie lies and says it’s for a church play about Adoni Bezek 😂
Eventually Norma gets cremated, bone-dusted, and eliminated like the others.
🥸 Kenneth Burke — The Puppet Master
Turns out Plum didn’t come by accident.
Retired detective Kenneth Burke, who failed to capture Lottie forty years ago, set everything in motion:
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Found Lottie via facial recognition
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Sent Plum to provoke her
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Gave Norma illegal spy equipment
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Manipulated everything hoping to catch Lottie “slipping” so he could finally be remembered
He wants fame.
She wants peace.
One of them is going to win.
(Hint: it’s not him.)
🔥 Junior, Motel Chaos, and the Final Confrontation
Burke sends Junior (his son) to Oregon to clean up the Norma/Plum/Kelsie mess. Lottie ambushes Junior, paralyzes him with a stun gun, cuts his Achilles tendon, and eventually kills him, making it look like a motel fire accident.
Then she drives to Spokane to finish the job.
Burke is waiting with a gun — but he’s frail, in a wheelchair, and absolutely not ready for Lottie’s level of commitment.
She:
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Disarms him
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Lights his clothing and oxygen tank on fire
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Blows up the house
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Plants Norma’s teeth fragments to frame her for EVERY death, including Burke’s
And honestly? She deserves a retirement medal for that.
🌅 Resolution
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Lottie forgives Archie for tracking her location
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Attends Archie & Morgan’s wedding
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Moves to a fancy senior community
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Cole (Plum’s boyfriend) wants to revive the docuseries
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Lottie refuses to be the subject but offers to produce docuseries about wrongfully accused elderly people
It’s charitable.
It’s wholesome.
It’s murder-adjacent.
Perfect for her next chapter.
🌟 My Thoughts (5 out of 5 stars)
I loved this book. Truly. It’s one of Samantha Downing’s funniest, sharpest, most entertaining thrillers.
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The pacing = perfection
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The kills = deranged and delightful
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Lottie = one of the most unique thriller heroines EVER
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The humor = dark but so, so good
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The ending = satisfying AND sequel-ready
If we get a Book 2, I will read it the day it comes out.
📚 If You Liked This, Try:
✨ Finlay Donovan Is Killing It — Elle Cosimano
✨ My Sister, the Serial Killer — Oyinkan Braithwaite
✨ How to Kill Your Family — Bella Mackie
✨ Killers of a Certain Age — Deanna Raybourn
✨ The Maid — Nita Prose
✨ The Woman in the Library — Sulari Gentill
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