The September House by Carissa Orlando

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⭐ 1/5 Book Review: The September House by Carissa Orlando

👉 Grab your copy of The September House on Amazon

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🚨 Trigger Warnings

• Domestic violence / abuse (physical & emotional)

• Addiction (alcoholism)

• Murder & gore

• Child abuse (referenced via ghosts)

• Mental health struggles / delusions

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📝 First Impressions

So here’s the deal: The September House started out promising—I was intrigued by the creepy Victorian house, ghosts, and the premise of a family trying to coexist with the paranormal. But by the end? Let’s just say the scariest part was me realizing I wasted hours of my life on this audiobook. 🙃

And speaking of the audiobook… while a lot of people rave about it, the constant screaming drove me bonkers. Yes, yes, I know it was “part of the story” (they screamed to be heard over the ghosts/house noises), but it doesn’t change the fact that my eardrums wanted to file for divorce.

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⚰️ Spoiler-Filled Plot Summary (You’ve Been Warned!)

(Skip ahead if you don’t want spoilers — but honestly, the “twists” aren’t that twisty…)

• Married couple Margaret and Hal finally buy a gorgeous Victorian house after years of renting. Their daughter Katherine has just left for college. Yay, empty nesters! 🎉

• But oh no… come September, the house screams, bleeds, and moans (like me trying to get through this book). Ghost kids—nicknamed the “pranksters”—start popping up everywhere.

• Margaret creates “house rules” to survive cohabiting with these spirits. Hal can’t handle it and nopes out, leaving Margaret alone. Katherine, suspicious of her father’s disappearance, books a flight home.

• Margaret tries desperately to hide the ghosts from Katherine. (Pro tip: if your walls are literally oozing blood, your secret is safe for maybe five seconds.)

• Ghost roll call:

  • 👻 Master Vale (big bad ghost, keeps victims in the basement)

  • 👻 Prankster children (creepy but not always malicious)

  • 👻 Fredericka the housekeeper (helpful ghost who tidies up—kind of like if Marie Kondo were undead).

• Katherine investigates Hal’s disappearance. Turns out he checked into a motel nearby… but never checked out. His stuff? Still there. His half-eaten sandwich? Also there. Ew.

• Big reveal: Hal actually came back to the house. Margaret killed him (shocker… not really), then suppressed the memory because of her trauma.

• Police get involved, but the house slaughters them in graphic fashion—because hey, what’s a haunted house story without a bloodbath?

• Margaret and Katherine team up (with ghostly help from the pranksters) to defeat Master Vale. Katherine apologizes to her mom for not believing her, and they live to see another day. The end.

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💭 My Thoughts

• Scary? Nope. More like campy horror that leans into silly instead of spooky. If you like Evil Dead-style camp, maybe it works. If you wanted actual chills? Nope.

• Mystery? The book is billed as “mystery horror.” Honestly, the only mystery here is why it has so many glowing reviews. The big answers (why ghosts, where’s Hal) are dull.

• Strong female lead? Um, did we read the same book? Margaret couldn’t even leave her abusive husband for years. Not exactly the empowerment arc I was promised.

• Audio version? The constant screaming ruined it for me. And not in a fun, “ooh this is immersive” way. More like “oh great, now I need Advil.”

By the time I hit the last chapter, I was so irritated that I considered DNFing in the final 10 pages. Who does that?! Me, apparently. That’s how bad it got.

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📊 Rating

⭐ 1 out of 5 stars
I truly wish this book had leaned into either real suspense or dark psychological depth. Instead, it flopped around like a bad B-movie.

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📚 If You Liked This (But Wanted Better)… Try These Instead:

👉 The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson – Actually unsettling, with psychological layers.
👉 Home Before Dark by Riley Sager – Haunted house + mystery that delivers.
👉 Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia – Atmospheric, creepy, and way smarter.

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👻 Final verdict? The September House wasn’t chilling, it was just… silly. Not the haunted house I was looking for.