If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin

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If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin – A Tragic YA Love Story

(Spoiler Warning – Major plot twists ahead!)

Looking for an emotional, fast-paced YA romance to curl up with this summer? Let me introduce you to If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin—a heartbreaking coming-of-age novel that leans hard into the genre's familiar tropes: childhood friends, missed chances, love triangles, and the gut-punch of tragedy.

And just in case it isn’t clear yet: spoilers ahead! The Goodreads summary heavily hints at what’s coming, but if you want to go in blind, now’s your cue to close the tab.

What’s If He Had Been with Me About?

The story centers on Autumn Davis and Finny Smith, childhood best friends who grew up next door to each other. Their moms are best friends too, so it’s kind of a given that they’d be inseparable as kids. But, as so often happens, middle school hits, hormones strike, social groups shift, and they drift apart. Still, they remain neighbors and quietly orbit each other’s lives throughout high school.

Autumn starts dating Jamie, while Finny pairs off with the pretty and popular Sylvie. On the surface, everything seems fine—but underneath, there’s this low-simmering tension: both Autumn and Finny clearly have lingering feelings for each other. They just… never act on them. (Cue readers everywhere screaming “SAY SOMETHING!”)

As the years go by, the two of them continue to find small moments of connection, like shared rides to school and long, lingering glances. By senior year, they even share a class again, and that long-lost bond starts to rekindle.

But of course, just as things are finally lining up…

The Ending: Let’s Talk About That Car Crash

Autumn’s world is slowly unraveling—Jamie has moved on to her best friend Sasha, her depression is creeping in hard, and she’s feeling increasingly alone. Finny steps up. He helps her, he opens up, and he finally confesses his feelings.

Then, tragedy strikes. While driving with Sylvie (fresh off a summer in Europe), Finny presumably tells her about his feelings for Autumn. But it’s raining. The car crashes. Sylvie flies through the windshield but survives. Finny steps out of the car and into a puddle with a live electrical wire.

He dies instantly.

Yeah. Let that sink in.

Autumn is shattered. Her depression deepens, and in the depths of her grief, she attempts suicide on their shared birthday. But she survives—and wakes up in the hospital to discover she’s pregnant.

Suddenly, there's a spark of hope. Even in death, Finny has left her with something to live for. The end.

My Thoughts (aka: Oof, This Was A Lot)

Let’s start with the obvious: this book is sad. Like, grab-a-whole-box-of-Kleenex sad. It pulls no punches and piles tragedy on tragedy like it’s trying to break your soul—and, depending on your mood, it either works really well or feels slightly manipulative.

Personally, I found the writing style fast and easy to follow, which helped balance the heaviness of the subject matter. But at times, the emotional gut punches came so quickly that it almost felt like overkill. (Seriously—was electrocution necessary?!)

That said, I liked Autumn as a narrator. Her voice felt authentic, and her mental health struggles were portrayed in a raw, relatable way. The “what could have been” vibe between her and Finny is gut-wrenching in all the right ways.

Was it predictable? A little. Were there too many unnecessary details? Kind of. But the emotional payoff, especially if you’re in the right headspace for something heartbreaking, is real.

Final Rating: ⭐⭐⭐½ (3.5 out of 5)

  • 💔 Great for fans of tragic YA romances

  • 💫 If you liked: They Both Die at the End, Five Feet Apart, A Thousand Boy Kisses

  • 🧠 Trigger Warnings: Depression, suicide attempt, death of a loved one, pregnancy after loss

I’m definitely planning to read the companion novel, If Only I Had Told Her, which tells the story from Finny’s perspective. (Please let it hurt less.)

What Did You Think?

Did If He Had Been with Me leave you weeping on the floor or rolling your eyes at all the heartbreak? Drop a comment below—I'd love to hear your thoughts. 💬📚


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