🪆 How to Sell a Haunted House by Grady Hendrix — Puppets, Trauma, and One Unhinged Possession Story

Genre: Horror / Dark Comedy
Rating: ⭐⭐ (2 out of 5)
Spoiler Alert: 🛑 Yep, we’re going there. Full spoilers ahead.
Vibe: Campy, chaotic, and slightly possessed
Trigger Warnings: Grief, childhood trauma, puppet violence (yes, really)

🎭 What Did I Just Read?

This was my first Grady Hendrix book, and maybe I just wasn’t prepared. He’s known for blending horror with humor, and this book definitely does that… but also just does too much. It’s like The Conjuring met The Muppets and then both had a breakdown.

I don’t regret reading it—I was weirdly intrigued the whole time—but I kept wishing someone would take some scissors to the plot and trim about 100 pages. This book could’ve been tighter, punchier, and less… exhausting.

🏠 The Plot: Haunted House? Try Haunted Childhood

The story begins when Louise Joyner finds out her parents died in a car accident. Her estranged brother Mark waited two whole days to tell her. That should tell you everything about their relationship. Louise is the “together” one, the planner, the doer. Mark? Not so much. But he was always the parents’ favorite.

They reunite in Charleston to settle the estate. Here’s where the family drama gets spicy:

Dad left everything to Louise in his will.
Mom left everything to Mark in hers.
And since Mom died last, Mark wins. Cue the eye twitch.

They decide to sell the house—an old Southern home filled with their mother’s beloved puppets, including a particularly creepy one named Pupkin. Louise tosses Pupkin in the trash, as any reasonable person would do. Mistake #1.

🧵 The Haunting Begins: Stuffed Squirrels and Puppet Stabbings

Things start getting weird. Louise is attacked by stuffed squirrels from her mom’s nativity set. Then Pupkin returns, seemingly having crawled his way out of the garbage like a demonic raccoon.

Mark, who already believes the house is haunted, begs Louise not to stay there alone. She ignores him. Mistake #2.

That night, Pupkin goes full Annabelle, attacks her, and nearly kills her. Mark shows up and shoots a puppet multiple times, because that’s the level of unhinged we’re operating on here.

And then… the trauma train really kicks into high gear.

😱 Family Secrets, Puppet Trauma, and Missing Arms

We find out:

Mark once dropped out of college because Pupkin controlled him and his friends.
Louise once drowned Mark as a child (under Pupkin’s influence).
Mark loses an arm in a puppet fight. Like, literally. She cuts his arm off.

Louise thinks she defeats Pupkin by burning him to ash. So she goes home to California, ready to return to normal life. Except… her daughter Poppy is talking like Pupkin when she walks in the door. OH COME ON.

🪦 The “Final Showdown” and Generational Ghost Drama

Louise grabs Poppy and returns to Charleston for an emergency puppet exorcism with Aunt Gail and her spiritualist friend Barb.

Turns out Pupkin is haunted by the ghost of Freddie, Louise’s uncle, who died at age five under suspicious circumstances. The family had always said “lockjaw,” but the truth? He drowned while Louise’s mom Nancy (then age seven) was babysitting him. His body is buried in the backyard. Super normal stuff.

Louise and Mark dig up Freddie’s makeshift grave while being attacked by a literal army of puppets. Pupkin gets back on Louise’s hand (gross) and she convinces Freddie to let go of his unfinished business. Freddie passes on. Puppets stand down. Haunted house: semi-cleared.

🪄 Epilogue: Closure and Stollen Bread

Months later, Mark has fixed up the house and even has a buyer. Louise forgives him. They’re healing. They hold a proper funeral for Freddie and—poetically? creepily?—smell the scent of their father’s favorite bread, Stollen, at the service. Like a ghostly thumbs-up from beyond the grave.

📉 Final Thoughts: Why Did This Need to Be 400 Pages?

I was into the idea of this book. Haunted puppets? Estranged siblings? Generational trauma with a side of demonic possession? Sign me up.

But then it just kept going. And going. And spiraling. The middle chunk is bloated with extended puppet fights and pages upon pages of “why are we doing this again?” And don’t even get me started on the logistics of burning a haunted puppet and having it come back in another state.

Some readers will love this. If you’re into campy horror, possessed puppets, and metaphors about inherited grief, this is right up your alley. But for me? The concept was there, but the execution wore me out.

🛍 Buy It (If You Dare)

🧵 Amazon

📚 If You Liked This (More Than I Did), Try:

The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix – same author, and readers seem to like it better
Home Before Dark by Riley Sager – haunted houses done with a little more polish
The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix – another one with mixed reviews, but if you're a fan of his style, it's worth a shot

Have you read How to Sell a Haunted House? Did Pupkin haunt your dreams, or did you secretly want him to start a podcast? Let me know in the comments! Or just drop your favorite horror trope—possessed dolls? Creepy basements? Haunted gluten-free bakeries?

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